hell on the heart
by LadyLionheart
Summary: A story of hw two people can live together, and how far apart they can still be. Something based around something I wrote years ago, and newly polished for a birthday present. XD


_No if, and's, but's, or maybes_  
><em>so you wanna be her baby<em>  
><em>I can read your face like a book<em>  
><em>Yea, it looks easy to love her but believe me<em>  
><em>It's harder then it looks<em>

Harry smiled slightly as he turned his head, feeling lips ghost slightly over his cheek, almost connecting, but not."Hey Draco."He muttered, glancing at the blond huddling in his jacket.

"Hey."Draco muttered, hands shoved in his jacket pockets, staring out across the field in front of them. Standing close, but not close enough to touch. A lifetime of pain and misery within those few inches seperating them.

Draco loved Harry as much as he was able...and sometimes, that was enough.

_She's as pretty as a picture_  
><em>Every bit as funny as she is smart<em>

_got a smile that'll hold you together_

_and a touch that'll tear you apart._

_When she's yours she brings the sunshine_

_when she's gone the world goes dark_

_yea she's heaven on the eyes,_

_but boy she's hell on the heart._

Draco shuddered as he whimpered, hands pressed tight over his ears as he huddled against the wall,knees pulled tight to his chest as he cried.

"Dray...come on 's okay."Harry muttered crouching down in front of him,gently easing blond hair out of his face. Remembering what he'd told Ron before. Sometimes hugging draco was like finding a flower that hid a razor blade, beautiful and deadly, and so very hard to hold without cutting yourself to shreds.

Because it destroyed him to see his lover like this, to watch him tear himself apart for sins that weren't his own, and a past that he couldn't forget.

So harry did all that he could do, and offered support and try to make draco smile. Because he lived for that heartbreakingly small smile, that was pure devlish amusement, and so like the child he remembered, before everything went sideways.

_Yea she's good when she's bad_

_she's cute when she's mad_

_and she does all the wrong things right_

_yea boy it's a fact when they're made like that_

_you aint ever gonna sleep at night._

Draco would send back meals in the hands of frightened waiters when he was dissatisfied-which was almost always, or throw items at scared shopkeepers for shoddy wares. Known for throwing tantrums of apocalyptic proportions should he ever be seated away from Harry during a public event. Only the immediate and nearby presence of Harry Potter turned the neurotic blond into a quiet and docile man, with a devilish little smirk.

If it hadn't been for Harry Potter's fame, or the size of Draco Malfoy's bank account, Draco probably would have remained uninvited for many events. Yet, Harry and Draco were a couple, and one was almost always found within arm reach of the other. So people seeking to curry Harry's attention had to risk Draco's eccentric behavior, or accept refusals to attend.

It had been a strange time at the end of the war, with Harry emerging from the chaos, with a broken and scarred Draco at his side. And rumors had abounded when Harry and Draco retired to Malfoy Manor to live in isolated splendor, venturing out only to visit friends, dine and dance, or attend events. The world was turned on it's ear as it endured spectacle after spectacle, quickly realizing the Malfoy heir only behaved himself with the savior of the world at his side.

No one, understood Harry's tolerance for the man's actions, when such things had been the cause of so many fights when they were younger.

And...no one dared ask, until Ron did. At their wedding.

_She's as pretty as a picture_

_every bit as funny as she is smart_

_got a smile that'll hold you together_

"How is it mate?"

"How is what?"Harry paused, looking at his best friend. He'd been pensive all day, made more than a little sober by the knowledge that six years had already gone by.

"What you just did...just a minute was 50 feet away, pelting some flourist with her own flowers, and he was reaching for his wand like he was going to hex the shit out of her. You stared at him...just for a second and he turned to look at you. Next thing you know, he's picking up the flowrs and sending her on her way acting nicely. How the hell do you do it? What is it about you that stops him from sending the rest of us to hell?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Really, I do."Ron said without the usual humor in his voice."I can handle it. Been six years. You asked me to be your best man, I think I can hear this. I know I used to flinch something awful back when you first started going out, but I'm over it. We're all grown up and all. I have the nerve to ask and I've got the nerve to hear it. What gives."

Harry listened quietly, sighing, staring down the path towards Draco, who was delivering flustered instructions to people setting up lawn chairs. Maybe Ron was right. If he could handle asking, then maybe his best friend had a right to hear it.

"You can't ever tell. It's not really mine to share. It's between us...in the end, no matter how public the results are. Can you keep your silence?"

"I swear."

"Alright. You know how he acts, you know wht he puts people through but you don't really know him. No one does. I'm just a lot closer to understanding then anyone else. I understand the important parts that matter the most."Harry frowned a little watching Draco."He's a very tense person. Most people don't forgive him for the way he expresses it. They don't know him at all, or don't understand what he needs. Probably better that they don't. The tension has to give sometime...he isn't a perfectionist because he's a spoiled brat though I admit it looked that way then, and it does now when I do it. I can't even tell you what went in to make him this way...he won't tell me more than absolutely necessary.

His parents demanded perfection. No one is perfect, no one can be. He tried...but as a child he always fell short of that impossibly high mark...and he paid dearly for it when they were disapointed."Harry said swallowing hard, shaking his head at Ron's look."Those aren't mine to tell you. His burden in life is trying to unlearn the first 17 years of it. I don't mind having to do a little extra to help him out." He smiled a little.."It's hard to see, especially now, when things are driving him insane because he can't control them,but he is getting better. It's just not showing because he's 's been seeing a therapist for the last few years...he's coming along one step at a time...even when it scares him to death."

_and a touch that'll tear you apart_

_when she's yours she brings the sunshine_

_when she's gone the world goes dark_

"But...he took to needing my approval...when we got close. His parents were dead, everyone was looking at him as the new head of Malfoy, and he had no compass to guide himself with. Nothing to tell him when or how he did something right or wrong. I have to do it now. At least a little...enough to make him feel like he's pleasing someone."Harry finished,biting his lip. Remembering broken grey eyes, remembering how Draco clung to him, anchoring himself to something to guide himself with. "When he gets out of hand, he looks at me, trying to figure out what to do, how to react. Things get very ugly, very fast if I can't. When I am... all I have to do is give hi a look, one that approves or disapproves, and he know what to do. The idea of me being upset with him, with what he's doing, horrifes him. It stops him cold. I never yell at him. I don't have to."Harry said shrugging a little. Knowing that if he did, Draco'd be in st. mungo's for a week before he'd be fit for company. That was how much Draco needed security. "I give him a look, he gets his nerves back under control, and life goes on. Someday... someday he might be different. I believe it, and he's already changing slighty. Some people go into a relationship constantly wondering what the other person feels. Not knowing if they're really needed or not. Not me. I know how he feels, what he needs, and how very badly he needs it."

"Bloody hell."

"Sometimes I wish that his parents hadn't been killed I'd love killing them for him. But even for me, the death are out of reach."

_yea she's heaven on the eyes_

_but boy she's hell on the heart._

Harry smiled down at the blond in his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead,feeling him tremble ever so slightly. It might be hard some days, but he wouldn't trade any of it for the world.


End file.
